May 14, 2011

Ah the old heart


XVIII
Mark Strand

"I would like to step out of my heart's door and be
Under the great sky." I would like to step out
And be on the other side, and be part of all

That surrounds me. I would like to be
In that solitude of soundless things, in the random
Company of the wind, to be weightless, nameless.

But not for long, for I would be downcast without
That things I keep inside my heart; and in no time
I would be back. Ah! the old heart

In which I sleep, in which my sleep increases, in which
My grief is ponderous, in which the leaves are falling,
In which the streets are long, in which the night

Is dark, in which the sky is great, the old heart
That murmurs to me of what cannot go on,
of the dancing, of the inmost dancing

--
It's the end of finals, and I feel slightly confused about what to do now that I don't have piles of work awaiting me and things to memorize. It's kind of intimidating, really. This morning I woke up, stretched, and was amazed to feel unstressed and untired (I slept a full 10h!!)- I mean, is this how normal people feel daily?? This is a strange feeling indeed. I don't think it's very pleasant. haha. It's kind of crazy though, because instead of meetings I've been scheduling lunch and dinner hangouts (had lunch at Southie's with Julie and Natasha today- yumyumyum), haven't been pencilling anything into my organizer, and haven't checked my email in over 24h
:O

I'm going to do a more detailed reflection post later, but for now, I'm just pleasantly satisfied and content with what I've done/ achieved this semester. I was editing my resume just now, and I looked at it and thought, HUH, I'm a junior in college now [O.M.G.] and this is all I have to show for it?? But then I thought about all the hard work and all the heart I put into my work this year, and then felt much better. Because even if one line in a resume e.g. "segmented potential donor market and identified key target markets" sounds flippantly like I did it in a night, I KNOW how much I've learnt. And that should be enough, instead of having a laundry list of shallow experiences.

Isn't Mark Strand amazing? The only word that doesn't really do it for me is "random," because it seems too throwaway. It's a word I use pretty frequently, "oh that's so random, haha" i.e. the sentence really should be interpreted as, "I have nothing to say, polite nonsense words" Aaand I took that photo when we were still in the thick of spring, on my way to Haas one morning! On my phone the colors look so blushingly pretty, but they look like crap on my computer screen, so I cross-processed it on Photobucket. This is actually my first time editing a picture [sigh, I am such an amateur and it shows].
I'm thinking of asking for a new camera for my 21st- Julie's camera is a Canon S95 (or something to that effect), and the photo quality is almost DSLR quality! I love it (the new Canon G12 looks good as well). Or an Instax camera. Or MAC fluidline black eyeliner and brushes so I no longer need to borrow from Dawn (and potentially suffer an apartment-wide eye infection if either of us gets infected somehow). Or a Mulberry Alexa (okay, just had to slip that in there... haha)

Oh the possibilities!!

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