May 11, 2011

I am tired, but I want to remember this

moment, sitting in front of my laptop in feverish anticipation and awaiting tomorrow, hoping that my brain pulls through and that I remember all ~50ish poems for tomorrow. I have been very lassez-faire about my GPA for some time- I have nothing to be ashamed about, last semester was a difficult semester for me, and I know the knowledge that I have gained and the kind of person I am is sufficient for an entry-level position [somewhere] and how much I have grown and learned just by being here. I think holding on to that- that knowledge, that self-awareness, of how much you have achieved and how much you're capable of, going into finals is important. I never thought that I could have studied an entire semester's worth of work in 4 days (for 3 classes) AFTER 3 of the crappiest, busiest weeks of my life [4 papers, 1 marketing group assignment, 1 client presentation with a 61p deliverable and 40 slide powerpoint deck- and yes, I am kind of bragging], but I did it! And no matter how I feel during the paper tomorrow, and the finals subsequently, I can stand by my GPA/ my grades knowing that I did the best that I could with what I have/ had [but oh, if only I had been less lazy this semester and attended all my classes instead of skipping 2-3 classes and cutting myself so much slack by allowing myself to sleep in]

How much I have learnt this semester- phenomenal. I always feel like this at the end of the semester- saturated with knowledge. When I typed up my Shakespeare notes and started recalling/ tracing the arguments I was blown away- maybe one day I will be generating this kind of knowledge and then I will finally be *smart*

Please remind me of this- the sleepiness, the tiredness, but also the keening, grinning self-knowledge of growth and education- once I get my grades back. I am terrified, because I just saw the website for the Harvard MBA 2+2 program and suddenly my dreams have exponentially expanded to include this [see, even the word 'this' is already inclusive in itself], but it's- too big, for now. Goodnight, world.

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