The weather has been so gorgeous the past few days and I have felt this overwhelming lethargy- I ignore my gmail (this is why I haven't been replying emails, guys, I'm sorry, I've been ignoring the internet), ignore Facebook messages- all I want to do is sleep and watch mindless TV.
I have realized that I am slowly becoming my mother (except more lazy, because my mother is superhumanly busy and gets everything done; I honestly don't know how she does it). It's a little scary, but nice at the same time because even though my mother is far away and I never get to hang out with her now, I still have a little bit of her with me always. People say that I look exactly like her when she was younger, and that used to bother me a lot- the replicating of genes through the generations that makes me a copy of a copy (yes, very Baudrillard indeed), never original but always duplicating. Now it just makes me wonder, when she looks at me, does she remember her younger self? When she sees me pursuing my dreams, does she remember her pursuit? Does she think that we are copies, and our minds and dreams and hopes can map onto each other, like a replay of life but in someone else's body? I don't think I'd make a good mother because I'd scare my child with thoughts like this.
I've been so drawn to flowers lately, which is something that I always associate with my mother. When we were younger, she used to make us hike Macritchie Reservoir all the time, and I used to complain, ew, the mud is making my shoes dirty; please, can we sit down; the roots are so disgusting; is that a duck?? And my mother would push us forward and give us water and my brother and I would trip over the exposed roots and continue marching on. These days, I make Daniel go with me to places like Muir Woods, and we recently went to the UC Botanical Gardens:
It was absolutely gorgeous
I am obsessed with succulents. I want to get small pots of them and put them next to my bed next semester, because our new apartment has these gorgeous big windows that look out over Catholic church from across the street, and the sunlight just pours in. I am so excited.
They had a beautiful rose garden at the very top as well
Strawberry Creek also runs through the gardens, and they have really gorgeous water plants and details
And huge fields that we frolicked around in
It was such a gorgeous day, and the plants are absolutely gorgeous. It's free for UC students and faculty, and $9 for general admission, so I definitely recommend Cal students to go visit the gardens. It was a little overwhelming, to be honest, so very large and the colors are so big and vibrant and larger than life, and the gardens sprawl across the Berkeley hills in this gorgeously haphazard way. The sun was incredibly bright and everything felt too intense, too beautiful. The H comes here, and it stops by the bus stop by Evans, so it's really easy to get here and I want to pop by next Fall between classes. It's just, very quiet, very peaceful, very high up in the hills so the bay stretches before you and if you reach out your fingers you can maybe touch San Francisco. Can't really believe places like this exist in tandem with the academically hectic Cal world, but so very glad that they do.